I forgot your name
the day after you left me-
and that was because I never knew it from the start.
No,
I didn't notice how your black bangs
fell over your blue eyes,
or how when you smiled you looked younger.
Never noticed the way your laugh sounded
or how your lips tastedfelt
on my neckthighs.
Didn't catch the way you inhaled slower
after putting out a cigarette
or listen to your heart when I rested
my head
on your chest.
You promised it would be fun.
Maybe I don't remember the story you told me
about how love is worth the fight
as long as the fight is for love.
Don't remember how you touched my face
and then moved in
slowslowslower to shoot
to kill.
I forgot your name
the day after you left me-
and that was because I never knew you
from the start.
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Author's Comments
Fuck you, you bastard.
"Wishing to be the friction in your jeans." +++ song playing: "Sugar We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy |
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August 17, 2005
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Comments
I love this and we must talk soon. But for now, I give you my praise for the title.
Lust or love, it can also represent the ambiguous name. Perfect.
"or how your lips tastedfelt
on my neckthighs."
I've lived the entire thing. I love how you've expressed it.
--
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
~Dylan Thomas
--
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
~Dylan Thomas
.
--
*cheers..
Sadly, apropos to what i'm dealing with at the moment. Excellent work, Heather
--
If dreams are like movies...
Then memories are films about ghosts.
~Kindred~
--
Showna was here.
on my neckthighs. "
I fucking...HATE it when writers do this. DON'T. It ruins your poem. Additionally, it stinks and I don't like it.
"or listen to your heart when I rested
my head
on your chest."
No. So many great, unique images, then this? No.
"I forgot your name
the day after you left me-
and that was because I never knew you
from the start."
What a fucking shitty ending THAT was. Did you not look at the rest of your poem and realize that you have something amazingly unique and wonderful here? Why would you consciously end it like this?
Overall, you have a very powerful heart poem here. Now clean it up.
I remember being your biggest dA fan.
--
Don't tell me what the !poets are doin'...
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